Wednesday, March 31, 2010

couldn't wait to get goin, but wasn't quite ready to leave

After a bajillion harassing facebook comments from my lovely cousins suggesting I update this lovely blog of mine, I realized what a great idea they had. The last 2 weeks have been: shitty, tiring, exciting, fun, overwhelming, unnecessary, necessary, and bizarre. It always turns out that the decisions that are best for you are the ones that cause the most strife. When life happens, it comes as such a surprise. While I'm not one to tell my sad story via blog, facebook status, or any other online outlet, I do think it is necessary to say that my world is upside frickin down right now.

I got my heart broken recently. Sad, yes. Surprising, no. For a year and a half I was in a bubble of love, happiness, and a situation that ultimately set me up for chaos once the bubble popped. Thankfully, I am surrounded by women who are brave enough to tell me how it is, help me man up, and see the bright side. Lets be realistic for a minute. My mom survived Cancer; my problems have nothin on hers. In times like these, I am learning that while my heart is aching, at least its still beating.

Long story short, Courtney is back. I am singing Taylor Swift at the top of my lungs just like I did my senior year in high school with my best friend. I am planning trips to see my family, my best friend, and spend my time with people who make me laugh. I am going to Carrows at 10 at night with new friends from work to talk about life and laugh til my stomach hurts. I am taking my 3 year old BFF to happy hollow and Mcdonalds for bonding time on my days off. I am 20 years old and I am finally acting like it.

I told my dad today I am never getting married, having a kid someway somehow, and moving on with my life. Good idea in theory...Larry was less than pleased. The good news about this comment I made, was I realized that my idea of the perfect life can easily be altered without giving me a panic attack. If you would have asked me when I was 18 how my life would turn out, I would have said: graduate college by 22, engaged by 23, married by 24, and babies galore by 25. FML. Such a naive little brat I was. This is no longer the plan and no longer has to be. I'm flying by the seat of my pants and I'm loving it. Hey, Oprah's not married and shes ok right?

Expect more blogs, more smiling, more happy times, and certainly more chaos from my part of the world :)